If you've ever heard someone say “just relax and it’ll happen,” you’re not alone. It’s one of the most frustrating phrases people trying to conceive have to endure — and it’s also completely unhelpful.

Yes, chronic stress can impact fertility. But that doesn’t mean stress causes infertility, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re to blame for your IVF not working.

This post is not here to shame or blame. It’s here to understand the connection honestly, and explore gentle ways to support your mind and body.

What Happens to the Body Under Stress?

Stress is a normal human response. But when it becomes chronic, it can affect the body’s finely tuned reproductive system in subtle but meaningful ways:

• Hormonal disruption: Stress raises cortisol and adrenaline levels, which can interfere with the hormones that regulate ovulation and menstruation.

• Cycle irregularity: High stress may lead to delayed or missed periods, anovulatory cycles, or shortened luteal phases.

• Reduced libido: Not ideal when you're trying to conceive naturally.

• Impact on sperm health: Studies show that men under chronic stress can have lower sperm count, motility, and quality.

In IVF cycles, there’s also some evidence that elevated stress can influence how the body responds to medication, or how well embryos implant — though this area of research is still evolving.

What the Research Actually Says

• A 2018 review found mild associations between stress and reduced pregnancy outcomes in IVF, but results were inconsistent.

• A 2020 study from Human Reproduction noted that emotional distress was more likely a consequence of infertility, not a cause.

• Positive emotional support and lower anxiety levels have been linked to better IVF outcomes, even if the exact mechanisms aren't fully understood.

Bottom line: Stress matters — but it’s not everything. You don’t need to be blissfully relaxed to get pregnant, but being supported emotionally can help.

Why IVF Is Inherently Stressful

It’s not just about external stressors. IVF itself brings its own mental load:

• The pressure of daily injections and appointments

• Financial strain

• The emotional highs and lows of hope and disappointment

• Fear of failure or grief from past losses

• Feeling like your body is being medicalised and scrutinised

Even if you're doing "everything right," IVF can still feel overwhelming. That's okay. You’re not doing it wrong — you're doing something incredibly hard.

Signs That Stress Might Be Affecting You

Everyone responds differently to stress, but signs to look out for include:

• Trouble sleeping or constant fatigue

• Mood swings, irritability, or feeling emotionally flat

• Anxiety around appointments or treatment decisions

• Feeling isolated or emotionally numb

• Physical symptoms like headaches, gut issues, or muscle tension

If any of this sounds familiar, you are not weak — you’re human. And it’s okay to ask for support.

How to Manage Stress Without Adding More Pressure

You don’t have to eliminate stress — you just need tools to soften its impact. Here are some gentle options:

Try small stress-reducing rituals:

• A short walk in nature

• A warm bath before bed

• 10 minutes of breathwork, guided meditation, or journaling

Seek support:

• Talk to a fertility counsellor or therapist

• Join an IVF support group (in-person or online)

• Be honest with your partner, even if you’re scared of seeming “negative”

Create emotional boundaries:

• Limit conversations with people who are dismissive or toxic

• Give yourself permission to skip baby showers or announcements

• Take social media breaks when needed

Prioritise rest:

• Treat rest as productive — it supports hormone balance and resilience

• Listen to your body, not just your IVF schedule

You Are Not a Problem to Be Fixed

You are not broken. You are not failing. You are not too anxious, too dramatic, or too emotional.

Stress is real, and IVF is hard. But you’re doing the best you can with what you’ve been given, and that is more than enough.

Supporting your emotional wellbeing isn’t about being perfect — it’s about offering yourself softness in a season that demands so much.